It’s 8:48pm and everyone is tucked in bed for the night. Everyone, but myself. As I sit and reflect on the day, I would say it was as close to perfect as one could get. We woke up at my parent’s home. Excitement was in the air as the boys rose from their slumber. Presents were stacked high underneath the tree. EVERYONE was in good spirits. The day was full of laughter, fellowship, gift giving, movies and, of course, food. After all, this is the most wonderful time of the year.
At the end of the day, my husband and I loaded up our minivan full of new toys and clothes for the boys. On the way home, I began to think, “What would my boys tell me of today?” Well, I know what they would have said. They would have brought up times spent with grandma and grandpa, watching a movie with Uncle Josh, and all the toys they got to play with. My heart sank. While those things are good, somewhere, we lost the true meaning of Christmas.
After everyone was in bed, my husband and I sat on the couch and we began to talk about our day. We both agreed it was a good day and we also agreed that we did a very poor job of speaking biblical truth. Not once today, was Jesus mentioned. I seriously cannot even believe I just wrote those words down, “not once today, was Jesus mentioned”. Wow. We did an entire Advent book series and on THE day, the day that matters most, it all fell apart. How does this happen?! Sadly, I know the truth. I wise woman once told me, you cannot impart what you do not possess. I have a heart issue.
The past couple weeks have been crazy (and yes, I could totally give you a list of things that happened in our home, but I digress). With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, I lost Jesus. I personally lost him. I did not spend time with him like I should. A day turned into two, which turned into a week… and here a sit.
Now what’s to happen? Things need to change. LIFE needs to change. Apparently, I cannot do this on my own. I need help. I need someone to hold me accountable. I could sit here and feel ashamed and guilty, but that will do me no good. I need action for change. So here it goes. Being real. Telling someone that I struggle reading my bible and humbly asking for help, but I HAVE to. Life is about JESUS. I have 3 boys to raise, and I have so much to teach, BUT I cannot impart what I do not possess. Everything starts with me.
Peace and love to you on this Christmas night.